A letter concerning the odor in Room 306
Dear Valued Guest,
First allow me to thank you for choosing one of our fine hotels for your stay. We know you have many choices of where to stay when you decide to stay somewhere, so we appreciate you staying with us.
If you have not done so already, I recommend flipping through our amenities pamphlet. It details all of the incredible services we offer our Valued Guests during their stay, such as free pillow mints, a well stocked mini-bar, and maids fully fluent in Spanish. If you wish to learn more, that pamphlet is located on your nightstand beside the extremely reliable alarm clock.
Please also permit me to take this time to remind you of our generous checkout policy. As a Valued Guest, you are able to take advantage of our new 9 a.m. checkout time, which for a small, one-time fee can be extended to 9:30 a.m. Please call the Front Desk for details. (A minimal per-minute charge is applied to all Front Desk calls.)
On a more somewhat less positive note, it has come to my attention that, having utilized our convenient Front Desk phone service, the source of the unusual odor you described coming from somewhere in your room was unable to be determined during that call. We are therefore reducing your Front Desk phone charge from $23.61 to $19.61. That said, we believe to have now determined the source of said odor.
Consulting our records, it is likely that your room’s towels were soiled by the Yorkshire terrier accompanying the prior Valued Guest to stay in your room. Please disregard the line item in your amenities pamphlet detailing our generous pet policy. For the protection of your and all of our many Valued Guests’ health, pets will no longer be permitted within the hotel. We thank you for your understanding, and will arrange to have your own dachshund, “Pepper,” shipped back to your residence at the earliest possible convenience.
Again, thank you for choosing one of our fine hotels for your stay. We know you have many choices of where to stay when you decide to stay somewhere, and we feel it necessary to convey just how much we appreciate you staying with us.
Sincerely yours,
The Management
P.S. The maid responsible for changing your room’s towels has been let go. And though Maria was particularly fluent in Spanish, we have many other maids who are very excited to prove their fluency for any of our Valued Guests.
